Californication

Psychic spies from China
Try to steal your mind's elation
Little girls from Sweden
Dream of silver screen quotations
And if you want these kind of dreams
It's Californication
-Red Hot Chili Peppers

Late July, we hopped on a plane and arrived safely in Sacramento, California. At my request demand, Chipotle was our first stop. There we showed no restraint, gorging on crunchy tacos filled with melt-like-butter barbacoa beef and lime dusted corn chips with guacamole. Did I mention we ate without restraint? That pretty much characterizes our month of good California eating, socializing, and playing like children with $100 in a candy store.  Without restraint.

We slid into our old California ways as naturally as a hotdog slides into its bun. A Starbucks coffee here. Two pints of beer there. Oh, don’t forget the extra tart frozen yogurt topped with almonds and Heath crumbles. Extra sour cream on that burrito please. One platter of paella with a bottle of red wine. Dessert? Of course, and make that extra whipped cream. Sure, I will eat another slice of pizza. Sorry, Joel, for eating all the blue cheese. Even Taco Bell was a delicacy.

birdMAN's parents' freezer is stocked with Häagen-Dazs ice cream. How could I resist?

Shortly after I had arrived in California and had more than my share of dessert, my fellow expat friend emailed me from China to warn me of American weight gain. Her words came true. Along with my suitcase stocked with Paul Mitchel hair products, Shout stain remover, Vitamin C, Tylenol PM, and See’s candies, I also carried an extra ten pounds. Well, what did I expect? You simply just can’t eat two full sized desserts along with a plate of cheese a day for a month and expect no consequences.

I will take the roll with the lobster in it

We simply could not show much restraint due to the incredible generosity of our friends and family. On two separate occasions, we gorged on Burgers N’ Brew grilled-to-perfection jalapeno bacon cheese burgers while catching up with longtime friends A&I, Jiefu, Milan, and lil’ Ziwen. A&I attempted to fill the void in birdMAN’s beer heart with a field trip to Lagunitas and Russian River Brewing. Magpie Café did not disappoint serving up a savory fare of California freshness thanks to birdMAN’s parents footing the bill. Along with my parents, we savored Mikuni’s barbeque albacore and sushi rolls until we were busting at the seams. 

Beer tasting at Lagunitas Brewing Company

birdMAN feels at home at Lagunitas

Of course, there is no place like home, especially a home filled with good home-cooking. Rib-eye steak, filet mignon roast, pork tenderloin, or barbeque chicken wings accompanied with cheesy potatoes and butter-soaked bread. So delicious. We just could not stop eating. Some nights we went to bed so full of home-cooked goodness that we felt sick. Unfortunately, I simply cannot list every occasion of hospitality; so I hope we showed enough gratitude to every person who spoiled us with California deliciousness.

Without restraint. Ten pounds lost in one year, and gained back in one month.'

In addition to the food, we soaked up some good California sunshine poolside with the kids, biked along Lake Tahoe’s rim, listened to the Pacific’s steady waves in Carmel, returned to old hobbies like golfing, braved the crowds at Target and Costco, worked two days as a bona fide engineer, threw an anniversary party, etc., etc., etc.

Getting goofy with Lil' Ziwen

Despite the generosity of our friends and family and getting two free overnight trips to California hot destination spots, our pocketbook burned a pretty decent sized hole. We managed to spend more money in one month in California than four months living in China. America is expensive!

After one wonderful, spectacular month in the good ole’ U.S. of A, we are back in Beijing. Beijing welcomed us with pristine blue skies, not-too-hot weather, and a huge puddle of water in our living room from a clogged air conditioner drain pipe. Well, that’s China for you.

One more year of restraint. One more year to lose 10 pounds. And next summer, one month to gain it all back.

Thank you for the Californication! See you next summer!

Chinese word of the blog: 加利福尼亚 Jiālìfúníyǎ

                English translation : California

Summer fun at the pool with the kids. Click HERE for more pictures of how we spent our summer vacation.

 Click HERE to see J&G 10 Year Anniversary Chopped Challenge

Carmel by the Sea Click HERE and find out how we ended up on the coast

Click HERE and see the grandness of the Lake Tahoe family trip

Here Comes the Rain Again

Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion
I want to walk in the open wind
I want to talk like lovers do
I want to dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you
-The Eurythmics

Beijing is one ill-tempered lady. Her mood swings are wild, intense, and unpredictable.

Today, the crystal clear skies allow the sun’s rays to blast Beijing with full force, raising the temperature to 97 degrees F. After sweating through the morning on my bike, I seek refuge from the blazing heat in an air-conditioned coffee shop to study Chinese and enjoy a latte. A few hours later, a thin layer of clouds develop providing some shade. I think, Yay! My 5-minute bike ride will not be too miserable. Between the coffee shop and home I stop twice – once to buy a half of a watermelon and second time to buy dish soap. By the time I arrive home, about 15 minutes has elapsed.

This picture is from 2 days ago, but the sky looked like this this morning.

After entering the apartment and setting my things down, the front door heaves as though taking labored breaths. What in the world? Then I hear the whistling as wind squeezes through the door and its frame. Bang! Bang! Out on the patio, the window doors clang open and shut with the oscillations of the wind. I close the windows and watch as the wind whips up plastic bags and papers above the 12^th floor, where we live. The sky soon turns brown with sand, dust and garbage flying through the air. The trees bend over in submission. Ms. Beijing is at it again.

Then rain begins to fall into the swells of the wind, rendering umbrellas useless. People scurry across our apartment compound, clinging to their umbrellas, hats, and children. If only they had arrived home 10 minutes earlier like I had. Wind. Lightning. Thunder. Rain. 

Ms. Beijing is having another temper tantrum. Maybe she is in a fight with Mr. Shanghai.

Last week, birdMAN and I found ourselves at the mercy of Ms. Beijing’s fury. That day, the air pollution had been severe, so determining whether rainclouds hovered above the brown haze was pretty much impossible. Thus, in our oblivion, we carried zero rain gear. After a very pleasant evening at a friend’s house, the sky poured buckets and buckets of rain, unleashed howls and howls of wind, and dispatched flashes and flashes of lightning—all accompanied by booms and booms of thunder. The hour was late when we left, so we had to go home. There was no choice! Thankfully, a friend (who was fully prepared with two umbrellas and a rain poncho) lent me an umbrella. The heavy rains combined with the poor street drainage made the 10-minute walk home like wading through a shallow stream, except the stream is full of dirt, garbage, and probably—mmhhh, positively—raw sewage. It is best not to think too hard about it. Despite the umbrella, I arrived home drenched, my once blue and white sneakers now blue and beige.  As for good news, I had no open wounds (save for some mosquito bites) and have thus far not developed any infections from wading through contaminated water.

As for today’s temper tantrum, it is over now. The skies have cleared. The parents and their children have resumed playing in the playground. And just like every other non-stormy evening, the children’s giddy laughter mix in with the buzzing of electric scooters and drift into our apartment. A sweet, summer lullaby. That is until Ms. Beijing strikes again.

Chinese Idiom of the Blog: 喜怒无常 xǐ nù wú cháng (literally, happy angry not constant)

English translation: temperamental / moody

5 pm today right before the rain. Look close! Can you see the stuff flying through the air?

6:30 pm after the rain. Rain is wonderful! It cleans out Beijing air.

On June 11, this wild storm didn't stop this determined delivery man

Check out this video of the June 11 rainstorm!

A polluted day sunrise

Sometimes Beijing is astonishingly beautiful

Dr. Yang

Hey Dr. Yin
Chain smoking Chinese centenarian
Deck my back with pins
Connect the wires and plug me in

Hey Dr. Jack
Bend me like a pretzel till I crack
All my joints and bones
Beat me up and send me home
-Ben Folds

Last February, birdMAN began to gripe about a pain in his neck. He wasn’t talking about me. The pain was literal. One day, his neck was sore. The next day, he could not turn his head left. These aches and pains— that could be blamed on reaching his mid-30s and being relatively inactive— offered a good opportunity to try three Chinese therapies that reputedly cure a multitude of ailments.

birdMAN’s first attempt to ease his pain was Chinese massage (按摩).  After squeezing and poking around birdMAN’s neck and shoulders, the massage therapist authoritatively told him he needed a 60-minute back adjustment massage. I chose the 90-minute “foot massage for strengthening kidney.” While the masseuse pounded away at birdMAN’s prone body and commented that his shoulders were bad, I thoroughly enjoyed my firm and painful massage. I am not sure if my kidneys benefited, but my feet were kneaded into submission. Afterward, birdMAN was not impressed. He was also annoyed that my 90-minute foot massage (which included a half hour of body massage) was cheaper than his 60-minute one. His neck continued to bother him.

Chinese massage. Check. 

Dual benefit -- kidneys and feet!

The second treatment involved needles, and hopefully sanitized ones. The next week following the inefficacious massage, birdMAN bravely went solo to the acupuncture (针灸) office.  A mixture of sweet and pungent herbal medicinal smells drifting from the downstairs pharmacy clung to the office’s clean white concrete walls and dark polished wood door frames. The doctors, donning pristine white lab coats, greeted birdMAN. The primary doctor, a silver haired woman who emanated authority, examined birdMAN. She poked his shoulders and told him no problem. Acupuncture will help.

A fervent hope for a cure. Sheer trust in thousands-plus long history previously tested and testified by millions of patients. These thoughts allayed his fears as birdMAN lay on a heated bed in a heated room. The silver haired doctor approached his prone body. Carefully with quick precision, she jabbed about 24 needles along his neck and arm. Each needle felt like getting a shot— a quick prick penetrating the skin.  After about five minutes, his upper body trembled uncontrollably. Then fatigue set in, as though he had been holding something heavy and his muscles were giving up. By the end of the 40-minute treatment, birdMAN was relaxed. Needle removal was relatively painless.

Afterward, birdMAN’s thirst and hunger compelled him to consume a Big Mac at the nearby MacDonald’s.

Acupuncture office

His acupuncture treatment, however, was not over. The following week, I tagged along and waited outside the room while the silver haired doctor repeated the treatment. Once the needles were properly set along birdMAN’s meridian lines (the lines that convey “qi”, vital energy), I asked the assistant if I could take a look. She said yes. I opened the sliding door and gingerly entered the warm room. birdMAN lay on his right side with his eyes closed and his face taut. Tiny silver needles stuck up along his neck and arm. I took out my camera. The silver-haired doctor looked up from another patient and curtly said, “What are you doing?”

“This is my husband,” I responded, as if that fact qualifies me to be in the men’s acupuncture room. And, if you are wondering, yes this exchange was in Chinese.

“You need to wait outside.”

“Can I take a picture?”

“No, you cannot.” Dang it! birdMAN’s neck freckled with needles would have been such a great Instagram picture. As much as I wanted that picture, I did not want to further disturb an otherwise serene acupuncture session. So I left.

This second treatment, unfortunately, did not miraculously cure birdMAN’s neck pain. Instead of experiencing a wave of peace and a revival of health, he was irritable and uncomfortable. 250 RMB to get pricked with needles resulted in only a slight improvement in neck comfort. I should have taken him to Great Leap Brewing for an IPA right away.

Acupuncture. Check.

The third medical treatment involved fire, glass, and blood. Yes, fire cupping (拔罐法) may look and sound like torture, but it is widely practiced here and surprisingly painless. Cupping is an ancient treatment said to increase blood circulation. According to Chinese wisdom, the increased blood circulation will alleviate respiratory and neck, back, shoulder problems (and probably balance the yin and yang –that mystery hot and cold energy that I have yet to understand).  

The fire cupping procedure involves 1) briefly lighting a flame inside a light-bulb shaped cup; 2) quickly placing the cup on the patient’s shoulders, back, and upper butt cheeks; 3) wait as the cooling gases inside the cup create a vacuum, which suctions the skin up into the cup and breaking a lot of blood vessels; and 4) and removing the cups after the giant, round bruises form. Then, I suppose, see if the ailments heal.

During the procedure, birdMAN lay face down totally at the mercy of the fire and glass wielding therapist. Meanwhile, I was in another room getting a body massage. After my massage and the cups had been placed on birdMAN’s back, I entered the cupping room with my camera in hand. In contrast to the acupuncturist, the cupping therapist gleefully agreed to let me snap pictures. She even turned on the lights for me.

A sheet covered birdMAN’s back. The balls formed a series of hills through the sheet. The therapist removed the sheet for me – I imagined that if I touched him the glass balls would explode. I won’t lie—the scene was freakishly creepy. He looked like he had been kidnapped by aliens and subjected to an inhumane science experiment. His skin was sucked 1 to 2 inches into the cup, the vessels purple and webbed, and his back glisteningly pink. The therapist said that his body was too “cold,” meaning his body is imbalanced. The darker the bruises, the greater the problem. I took one picture after another. This was going to make a great Instagram post.

The process did not hurt; in fact, birdMAN enjoyed the experience and found it relaxing. But did it ultimately cure his neck pain? Nope. The following week, his back was full of purple bruises and his neck stiff.

Fire cupping. Check.

Took about two weeks for the bruises (aka hickies) to disappear

birdMAN’s neck was cured a few weeks later, but the cure was not found in China’s ancient medicinal books. The cure was in IKEA. IKEA does not only have delicious Swedish meatballs, potato mashers, and modern, eye-pleasing home accessories, it also has antidotes for Chinese-lifestyle-caused ailments. That’s right, IKEA—a westerner haven. At IKEA, we purchased a thick foam mattress to lie on top of our rock-hard bed (the beds are so hard here!) A few weeks later, birdMAN realized his neck pain was gone.

Mattress pad. Check and cured!

Massage, acupuncture, and fire cupping—all that just to determine we needed a comfier mattress.

Chinese words of the blog:

按摩     àn mó (literally, press rub)           massage / to massage

针灸     zhēn jiǔ (literally, needle moxibustion)  acupuncture

拔罐法 bá guàn fǎ (literally, pull jar method)       fire cupping

Here is a YouTube video showing the fire cupping process:

Dancing Queen

You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the dancing queen

-Abba

Since nuclear weapons, austere living conditions, and lack of human rights often dominate the headlines about North Korea, you probably laughed in disbelief when Dennis Rodman got chummy with Kim Jong Un, North Korea’s dear leader. Turns out, basketball is not Kim Jong Un’s only shared interest with the West’s dominate power. He recently formed a much more modest version of the Spice Girls, a 5-member girl pop music group, Moranbong Music Band. Reminiscent of 80s synth-pop, they sing catchy tunes entitled “Let’s Study” and “Our Dear Leader.”

The lady pop sensation has made it to Beijing. One of our fellow teachers invited us to dine at a North Korean restaurant. Unaware of North Korea’s love of bubble gum pop, we joked that North Korean food would be rice gruel in tin bowls and the servers would wear gray jumpsuits. We were so wrong. Not only was the food amazing, but stunning North Korean women (who also are the waitresses) put on a vibrant show. The women danced and sang Chinese and American pop songs— including Abba’s “Dancing Queen”—while playing the saxophone, drums, electric violin, cello, harp and the most exciting instrument ever – the KEYTAR!

Unfortunately, we have no photographic evidence of our night with these dancing queens. When birdMAN got out his camera while being served beer and kimchee, the four waitresses breathed audible sighs of anxiety and skittered away from the table. We were, however, allowed to photograph the paintings of the women.

Who are these mystery women festooned in makeup, polyester jump suits, and sequins? They look nothing like the gaunt, plain, austere North Koreans that we would expect emerging from Asia’s last Iron Curtain. Our friend told us that they work at this restaurant for a few years and then return to North Korea. Their work life is like working on a cruise ship. They do not leave the building without supervision. That is all we know of these North Korean beauties.

We left the restaurant with full stomachs and full hearts. Now months later, we crave the bibimbap, the sweet rice dumplings, the seared beef, and beer. We cannot forget those picturesque women’s pensive stares; their small speaking voices that belt out dynamite serenades. Abba tunes synthesized with the electric violin and keytar continue to resonate within us. Who would have known? I have something in common with North Korea’s dear leader: we both love kimchee and pop music.

 

Chinese word of the blog:  表演  biǎo yǎn

English translation: show, performance

Friends Will Be Friends 台湾

It's not easy love, but you've got friends you can trust,

Friends will be friends,

When you're in need of love they give you care and attention,

Friends will be friends,

When you're through with life and all hope is lost,

Hold out your hand cos friends will be friends right till the end.

-Queen

I first met B & S in 2008 at an intense two week training school for teachers in Fairfield, California. Not only could they win a “Best Looking Couple” contest, but their pleasantly matched personalities and easy demeanor made them a favorite among both students and teachers. They were also learning Mandarin Chinese. I, of course, had absolutely no interest in learning Chinese, let alone living in China. After the class’s completion, we exchanged emails, hugged goodbye, and promised to keep in touch.

Dug this out of the vault - July 2008

About a year later, S included me in a mass email inviting the recipients to view her online Picasa web album showing their recent move to Taiwan and their romp through Southeast Asia. S’s beaming face as she stood on the ruins of Angkor Wat, Cambodia. B gorging on fish in Korea. Sleeping on trains from Vietnam to Thailand. Cambodian children. Pho in Vietnam. What an awesome couple, I thought.

Last year, I ran into B & S at a large party in Fremont. They were ecstatic to hear that we were moving to China later that year. We caught up for a few minutes, and mused whether we would meet up on the other side of the hemisphere.

They ended up in Beijing last October, one stop on a month long tour of China.  They slept in our campus dormitory, had to schedule showers according to the hot water schedule, and ride the bus and subway to Beijing’s historical sights. Even though we were busy teaching English, we made time to introduce them to our favorite Korean BBQ restaurant and street food (lamb chuanr + beer), whine over the extravagant prices at Element Fresh, and unsuccessfully bargain over cheap clothes at Dongwuyuan (one of my favorite places to find factory made brand names but rejected for shipment to foreign stores). The week was over before we knew it, and they headed south to Guanxi province.

B&S meet our giant friend - Beijing 2012

As the May holiday (a.k.a. Labor Day, yes China celebrates Labor Day too!) approached, we contemplated jetting over to Korea to eat some bibimbap and kimchee. We remembered our friends in Taiwan and chose to visit their sub-tropical home and anticipated using the internet uninhibited by China’s great firewall (hello YouTube!).

Both B&S and Taiwan welcomed us with open arms.  Our base camp was B&S’s comfortable 14^th story apartment, nestled in a not-so-busy corner of Taichung (台中) above well-stocked grocery, beauty supply, and stationary stores. In contrast to Beijing’s honking taxis, the hordes of people crossing the streets in a chaotic fashion, the yelling salespeople advertising fruit and vegetables, and general pandemonium, Taichung felt so peaceful, so harmonious, so chill.

Taiwan beer is just like Beijing beer - smooth and as easy to drink as soda

Here are some general observations about Taichung. (I have no comment on Taipei because we spent so little time there.)

1. Clean –Even though public garbage cans are nonexistent, the streets were devoid of garbage. I realized I have grown accustomed to seeing people nonchalantly throwing their snack wrappers where ever they happen to be standing.
2. Obedient to traffic laws – When the light was red, even if no crossing traffic obstructed the path, the scooters, bicyclists, cars, and pedestrians obediently and patiently waited until the light turned green before accelerating. In Beijing, I tag along with the traffic law offenders and ignore the cars angrily (and rightly so) honking at us.
3. Island feel – Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. I imagine that Taiwan’s moist air purged Beijing’s dust and grime that has accumulated on the linings of our lungs. A much needed lung cleanse. The weather was pleasantly humid and comfortably warm, a welcome change after the 7 months of winter we have endured. We also escaped the city and enjoyed Taiwan’s lush greenery with a mountain hike and bike ride around Sun Moon Lake.

Sun Moon Lake

Hike Taiwan!

Getting around

Of course, we did what we do best…WE ATE and WE ATE. Fortunately or unfortunately, B&S’s view of food is the same as us—not only is eating food necessary to sustain life, but a way to enjoy life.

The food adventures began with a hot dog at none other than Costco. That hotdog tasted exactly like the $1.50 polish-dog in Vacaville, California. Like our hometown’s Costco and every other Costco in the world, the aisles teemed with sample hording patrons loading their carts with rotisserie chicken, California wine, Kirkland almonds and tortilla chips. We left Costco with a gallon of olive oil, a block of sharp cheddar cheese, a bottle of Menage-a-Trois wine (from California!)  and a package of Pilot erasable pens. Never before would we have vacationed at Costco, but this trip was a great start to our food holiday.

Not in America

Other savory delights included:

Taiwanese beef noodle soup: A trademark Taiwan dish: Noodles in a beef broth, melt-in-your-mouth beef cubes, a marinated egg, and a kick of spice. Make sure to order the soup minus the duck blood tofu, a usual addition to the spicy broth. To my horror, mine came with blood, which we promptly sent back for a new dish.

Beef Noodle Soup

Snake soup: We sampled snake soup at a tiny restaurant that appeared to have four-fold purpose: cage the snake, kill the snake, cook the snake, and eat the snake. Snake soup is widely believed to rejuvenate the skin. Perhaps this belief stems from the smooth feel of snake skin? Resulting in great skin or not, the soup is surprisingly tasty. The snake meat and skin are simmered in a simple gingery broth. The snake meat tastes like chicken and the skin is chewy.

Poor snakes. I wonder if they know that we are eating their friends?

B was a little grossed out by the caged snake smell, so it was up to S and me to finish it off!

Pearl Milk Tea: We drank bubble milk tea at its birth place,Chun Shui Tang (春水堂). I love the Old Tea House in Davis, but this bubble tea is about a 1000 times superior. The bubble tea is a mixture of milk, tea and small chewy tapioca balls, which are slurped through a straw. The BEST milk tea ever!

Night Market Street Food: We gorged on rice and kimchee hot dogs, fried chicken topped with gravy and salsa, chou tofu, watermelon juice, and tapioca drinks until we felt like exploding. Street food is amazing in Taiwan!

Asianified hotdog! The bun is sticky rice, the dog a sweet sausage, stuffed with ginger and drizzled with wasabi

Street Food

We enjoyed the food and the sights (and Costco) immensely, but more importantly, we enjoyed spending time with our friends. We laughed, we ate, we drank, we hiked, and we contemplated the meaning of life. Funny, some people you just connect with, even if you only see each other once or twice a year. It is nice to know that friends will be friends.

Thanks B and S for an awesome, fun time in Taiwan! Love you guys!

Chinese word of the blog: 朋友 péng you            

English translation: friend

Want more? Click here for pictures of B&S October visit

Click here for pictures of Taiwan. 

Tiger sighting in Taiwan!